The Journal of cowgoddess.
frustrated 04-02-06 14:29
wow. I'm pretty pissed off. Livid might even describe what I'm feeling right now.

So my wonderful grandmother whom I absolutly adore is trying to make my mother feel like a bad mom because she let me be so depressed and cut as bad as i did and try to commit suicide (twice). So then my mother tries to defend herself by saying "She's been doing it since 7th grade!" (my mother and I lived with my grandmother my entire 7th grade year) and my grandmother was appauled by the fact that I did it in her house.

I just cannot believe that the two women that I'm closest to in my family are fighting over who treats me better. I want to just scream at them that I didn't do it because of either of them, and it doesn't matter where I did it, all that matters is that I was feeling bad enough to harm myself.

I can't fathom why my grandmother (who is apparently very two-faced) thinks that my mom was a horrible mother just because she couldn't see how depressed i was. It's mostly my fault. I could've told them, but I was too ashamed of what I was doing to let anyone know.

I just can't STAND them fighting because of something i did. I mean, my grandmother only called me three of four times in the entire three months that i was in the hospital. But she's trying to tell my mother she isn't raising me right?!


03-31-06 16:30
*giggle* hyper-ness

i cleaned a lot today. my room is ALMOST totally clean. not quite though. i should be done by monday. i cleaned the bathroom too.

my mommie made mini strawberry muffins. i ate too many. she said no more till after dinner. *giggle*

my day was boring. i didn't get out of the house except to take the dogs out to potty and to take my lil cody (one of the dogs) for a walk since he had all this pent up energy.

*crosses fingers for a more excitng day tomorrow*


PS: i <3 you! (you know who you are)
*yawn* 03-30-06 18:44
i tired. long day. i went to the evil doctor. she didn't draw my blood. thank Henery. however in four months on my OTHER follow-up app I'll have to have my blood drawn most likely. but that's four months away, so i'm not incredibly worried about it.

I really miss my Chelsi-Darling. I think she went to see her friend that she wasn't supposed to go see. Cuz she hasn't been online th e last couple days. but i dunno. maybe she's just really really busy. i just can't wait till she's home so i can see her! *giggle* i'm in lust. big time. *giggle*

so my bedroom is looking pretty spiffy. i have all the pics that Chelsi drew me or sent me hung up and one of them is framed n' everything. and it's CLEAN. cows and rainbows everwhere. does that sound like me or what? hehe

*giggle* i'm so tired that i'm giddy. weeeeeeeeee.

today we bought a thing so the dogs (they're weiner dogs) could get up onto our extra high beds. they don't like it. they seem to be confused as to what it is. kinda funny. cuz it cost 30 bucks.

*giggle* i'm so hyper now. *wants her Chelsi-Darling to message her*


03-29-06 21:11
life is certainly ok now. a certain *someone* cares. i thought that she didn't, but she does, and that excites me. now, all she need to do is get home so i can see her.

anyways. i have an app. today. yay for me. i'm hyper. *giggle*


hello guys. my day was ok i suppose.
I had an app with Kim. i missed talking to her. she's coolio. she's gonna do family therapy with us like Ann did at state. not the most fun thing in the world, but it's effective.
Tonight we had a family night. This is a new thing that we do twice a week to "bond". We played life-simpson's version. it was funny. i came in 3rd place out of three people. yay for me! lol. it was still a fun game. next time we get to play scrabble. i vote Chelsi gets to be on my team for that one. she has a very big vocabulary. mine isn't so large.
Tomorrow is yet another app. This time with the evil doctor (aka:the gyno). i'm not too fond of her. She does mean unexpected probing. *shudders* anyways, it's just a check-up for my PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). yay for me. she better not probe. probably just to blood work. cross your fingers. i tend to faint when needles get inserted into my arms.
I should probably go, even though I want to stay up and wait for my wonderful Chelsi-Darling to get online so i can actually talk to her instead of waiting and waiting for a message back. but i really doubt my nighttime sleepy meds will allow me to do that. oh well.
I <3 you (you know who you are)
mucho <3,
home-ness 03-28-06 14:15
i just got back from a long stay at a mental hospital. i'm doing better, but i needed help there for awhile. i found this site from roquelaure. i <3 her bunches
Hello, 03-28-06 14:13
My name is cowgoddess. I'm new to elowel.